It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything remotely resembling a deep thought here. Moving will do that to you. It’s all about being in the present: problem solving and finding the pan you need to cook dinner, getting legal liscence plates and phone service ASAP, finding out which streets go from one neighborhood to the other and which ones get you hopelessly lost.
In all of this preparation for the move, the move itself, the rebuilding here, being separated from my husband and partner in crime (geographically, not legally), finding a new routine, knowing what’s looming on the horizon (deployment), I’ve shoved my artwork into the back seat.
I’ve been thinking about the missed deadlines and opportunities. The Calls for Entry that I’ve been ignoring. The things I could be doing to promote myself. I actually felt like I was on the verge of something a year or two ago. I had a show. I was excited about a new body of work. I built a website and had a bit of a blog following. I had a few pieces published in magazines. I could easily have leveraged that and submitted to more shows. Submitted proposals to magazines and books. Taken steps to grow the blog. But I didn’t. And I’m not going to.
Robin blogged recently about being an artist or a mom and how the timing just didn’t seem right just now. I know completely how she feels. I’m not a totally plugged-in mom, but I do feel I have a certain responsibility to my kids right now. Family takes priority. We have other things to worry about than my art career.
I’m not seeing this as a one or the other decision though. Sure, I’m missing opportunities and momentum now, but they can (and will) come around again. Not the same ones, but new ones, right for that time. I’m still an artist, and some day I might be able to be one in more than just my own mind. But for now, I’m going to do what feels right. I still crave the connection and validation I get through blogging, and I certainly can’t stop making things. I’m just not going to let myself feel guilty for not doing everything I could to promote myself as an artist or for passing up good opportunities. That can come later.
For now, there may be more posts about shave ice and family activities. It’s what I’m excited about today.